I hate my spine.

I am REALLY SICK of wanting to train and not being able to. Tonight we got a pretty decent basics workout, and I felt like crap the whole time. On top of having little to no energy, my back started aching about halfway through the workout. With some prodding by Tasha, I decided to leave after the first class. I heeded the advice given to my by Sensei Hartman and stretched while Tasha was taking her shower after class, and it helped a little.

I guess my biggest problem at this point is that I feel like a tool. I want to work out hard, but my lack of ability to do so has left me feeling like not much of a black belt right now. I’ll get over it. I’m a upset that I let circumstances keep me from working out really hard over the last year or two, and now that I’m back with my home dojo I look and feel like shit. Some nights, like last Thursday, I felt like a million bucks. No back pain, stuff was snapping and locking, and I just felt good. Then there are nights like tonight.

I guess I just have to keep plugging away at it and stop being such a little six year old girl about the whole thing.