We got word today that things are not progressing as well as we might’ve desired, so the hard workout regiment is going to continue up to the Dan test.
That meant doing about 30 Empi kata today, trying to polish and get all the crappiness off. It was a good workout, but I was pretty drained afterwards and slept for several hours. I’m feeling less and less confident about this test, but everyone is pushing for us to get down there and take it anyway. I got to wondering after the practice today if this is not just some sort of ploy by Sensei Brewer to ensure that we don’t get complacient with two weeks left before the exam.
I do respect Sensei Hartman’s ability to be straight with us when we ask him questions about what’s going on at the upper end of the line when it comes to considerations for this exam. One thing that tends to bug me a bit is when my questions are met with a ambiguous response at very best, at very least silence. We don’t have to worry about that with Sensei Hartman these days, thankfully he tells us what’s going on. At this stage, its incredibly valuable.
I’m not in the “waves of fear” panic that accompanied my Shodan tests, I am more internally calm than I was for those. Now there are so many questions swirling around in my head that I’m not entirely sure which ones to consider and which ones to block out. I do know one thing: I’m doing this thing, and theres no amount of not passing that can take away the last six months of training. That’s all there is to say about that.
Tonight we go out for the sendoff of Turner-san, he’s headed to St.Louis for new lungs. He’s a trooper and he’ll make it through.
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