Visualization is a good thing. It helps one to overcome fears, determine new solutions to existing problems, and even sometimes surpass insurmountable problems.

However, visualization is a bad thing when you are trying to sleep and have to get up for work at 7:00 am.

I just got done laying in bed for an hour imagining going through all of the four katas that I am required to know in front of the board. Then all the basics. And then sparring this big faceless opponent that knows all of my secrets. My brain runs all of these scenarios and always flashes to the awarding of the belts and having my name omitted like it was twice in the past. I think my subconscious is trying to get me ready to fail this thing so I’m not crushed if I do.

was right tonight though… nobody can take away the six months of training we’ve been doing to get ready for this. From experience, however, I know that this isn’t much of a salve for the denial of a black belt when you’ve been working so hard to get it. I’m just going to go out there and do my best.

I think my biggest fear is that I’m going to go out there and disappoint Sensei Brewer or Sensei Hartman, or I’m going to get up there and bone up one of the katas or something that I’ve been working so hard to get right. To me, that would be a worse failure than not getting the belt, having to stand up there and look bad in front of the board.

OK, I’m starting to feel a little better, I have a feeling my blog is going to turn into FREAKOUT SOUNDING BOARD #44323. That being said, I think it’s time to hit the sack again and see what happens.

5 days until my fate is sealed.