Self-Respect and the Average Nerd…

In my career, I have found that I have increasingly edged toward the need to people-please.  This becomes increasingly difficult as I fill a role that requires me to consider technical guidelines, hoping to enforce code quality.  With a job like that, you’re bound to ruffle feathers and have differences of opinion with others.  Even though it is possible to talk a tough game, if you’re like me you internalize little pieces of the hurt feelings and the strong emotion that comes with disagreement.  Over time, it becomes easy to let those dictate the way you interact with others.  I’ve become aware in the last few months how pervasive this is becoming with me.  This leads to a desire to build consensus for fear of upsetting others, failure to decide on something or take a strong stance, and general nervousness and weirdness.

I came across this article tonight, which deals very bluntly with precisely this problem and how to break this tenacious icy grip on one’s self-respect.  I have to say the content is very thought-provoking and I am adjusting to the idea that I don’t need everyone to like me at the office, I just need to do my job well and trust the opinion of those few valued individuals that matter to me.  (Tip: if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably one of them.)

I have met a few people in my career (I work with one now) that happily don’t care about asserting their opinions to those around him.  One of my previous superiors exhibited this behavior to an absolute art-form, and I respected him for that.  People either hated his guts or loved him, but he got results and I bet he sleeps pretty damned well at night.

So that’s what I’m striving for: getting comfortable about having my own opinion and not caring about what others think about it.