Why I’m proud of my lame mustache…

As those of you on Facebook may be (painfully) aware, I have been participating in Movember charity activities this year.

Any of you that know me even a little would agree that I can, in no way, be described as swarthy, hairy, or grizzly.  In fact, my facial hair growing prowess can be more accurately described as pre-pubescent, hilarious, and weak.  So why would I join in on a charity that focuses on an area that I am admittedly weak?

Simple.  Cancer is a bitch, and my inability to grow a mustache/beard/goatee gets noticed.  It starts a conversation, and during this conversation people get informed about the Movember charity and it’s efforts to raise money for men’s health related charities.  I had several friends (on our Movember Team) that had participated in previous years and their stories compelled me to take part as well.

I have had several male friends and family members that have been affected by cancer, and I wanted to do something about it.

I am proud of my lame-stash.  At the time of this writing, it has raised $85 of my Movember Team’s total $145.  This may not sound like a lot of money, but Movember Teams around the world are all doing the same (or better) and right now the total raised globally from the 845, 371 registered mustaches is $78,605,363.  One would hope that this much money makes a difference in some way.

Here are some answers to frequently asked questions:

• You look like a Civil War General.

  Well, this is more of a comment than a question, but ok… yes.  I have been compared frequently to Wyatt Earp, a Civil War General, and a wide variety of other dubious and fine gentlemen.  Thanks for noticing.

• Why’s it so patchy?  Why’s it red/white/brown/multicolored?

  I am no geneticist, however I am going to vote for a ton of recessive genes on the coloration and a lack of experience on the patchiness.  My grandpa on my Mom’s side had red facial hair when he would let it grow in, and my other grandpa had dark hair.  The white is because my soul patch region seems to suck for some undisclosed reason… it’s got length but no color.

• Why did you shave off the goatee?  Now you look like a molester!

  Hey, thanks for that.  The reason that I shaved off the goatee is because it is the rules of engagement for the charity.   Rule 4 clearly states: There is to be no joining of the handlebars to your chin. (That’s considered a goatee)  Those of you that enjoy backhanded compliments have noticed that my goatee was folically challenged in the handlebars area.  Those few stray hairs I shaved it to achieve my take on the Tony Stark look (which I happened to like a lot), but I’m not in this to cite technicality… it’s Movember, so I needed to have as close to a proper mustache as I could muster at the end.

•  Are you going to keep it?

  Sadly, no.  I would be more inclined to make a case for keeping it if the goatee were still intact, but I look utterly ridiculous this way.   Besides, I had a very serious agreement with Tasha (who hates facial hair) that I could participate for the charity and it had to be over at the end of the month and I intend to keep good on that promise.  Next year, however, I may negotiate a donation bounty to keep my mustache around longer.